The Elite Metropolitan

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Meet The Manager

| September 11, 2019 | Reply

Welcome to passengers arriving on Platform 9. Just to let you know we’re hosting a Meet the Manager event on the concourse today.

Boris Johnson Can Stick His Chocolate Up His Arse

| September 2, 2019 | Reply

I was recently forwarded an email that the prime minister had sent…

Are You Brave Enough To Bet Profitably?

| August 22, 2019 | Reply

Sometimes, you need to change something.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Bookie

| June 14, 2019 | Reply

I’m a sucker for spy stuff.

Don’t Do This, Ever

| June 5, 2019 | Reply

Did you get your vote on yesterday? Did you stride down to the old polling station for a good old vote? Did you vote your tits off?

These Two Shouldn’t Mix

| June 4, 2019 | Reply

I’ve never been the biggest sci-fi fan. I’m fine with both sci and fi, in much the same way as I’m fine with both beer and crunchy nut cornflakes. Just don’t mix them.

Square Root Of FA

| June 4, 2019 | Reply

I have made a profound observation.

From The Hot Desk Of…

| April 12, 2019 | Reply

I am soon to join the ranks of the hot deskers. A nomad with a laptop.

Kenny Dalglish Was In My Dream

| April 7, 2019 | Reply

Welcome to Elite Dreams. A new venture where I charge a cheeky amount of money to explain what dreams mean.

My Terrible Sitcom Idea

| April 7, 2019 | Reply

Idea for a sitcom: Will of the People.

Putting My Laces Through The Football Of Capitalism

| April 7, 2019 | Reply

What does The Elite Metropolitan do all day?

Footballers’ Brothers

| April 7, 2019 | Reply

If two things can be called a trend then there’s a definite trend towards footballers’ brothers cashing in on the fame of their siblings.

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